She got her training across the street, at a bar called the Village Idiot, a dive that made the Coyote Ugly Saloon look like the Russian Tea Room. She has the body of a figure skater and the voice of a lifetime smoker. Then Lil would have poured some Jack Daniel's down her own throat, and then Lil would have charged you for buying her a drink. Then Lil would have poured some Jack Daniel's down the throats of all your friends. Lil would have climbed on top of the bar and shouted to the crowd, "Do we drink water in this goddamn bar?" And the crowd would have booed and laughed. Lil would have turned off the jukebox immediately. Now if you had come into the Coyote Ugly Saloon when Lil was bartending and asked, say, for a glass of water, you would have really been in trouble.
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If you had come into the Coyote Ugly Saloon when I was bartending and asked me for a martini, I would have poured you a shot of Jack Daniel's, and I would have said, "That's how we make martinis in this place, pal." If you had come into the Coyote Ugly Saloon when Caroline was bartending and asked her for a rusty nail, she might have climbed on top of the bar and poured the Jack Daniel's down your throat for you. It is loud and dark and hidden down low in the East Village of New York City. If you do not like a bar where all the songs on the jukebox are either by Hank Williams or about Hank Williams, then you will not like this bar. Truly, the Coyote Ugly Saloon is not for everyone. But he would still come into the Coyote Ugly Saloon every night, just to talk about her. One of the many regulars who fell in love with Jessie dated her a few times. Jessie was so goddamn pretty that it barely counted. And as for Jessie? Jessie was practically an objet d'art. Molly was pretty in a way that attracted the downtown crowd, and Dawn was pretty in the way that bikers like. Jackie was also famous for tossing shots of rum into her mouth, holding a lighter to her lips and blowing ten-foot bursts of flame across the room. Of course, there was also Jackie to consider. Still, some regulars would have insisted that the prettiest bartender at the Coyote Ugly Saloon was Chris, who had sassy short hair like a boy's and a heart-stopping midriff. She unzipped her bulky sweatshirt and showed them to me. When I asked Caroline how she'd gotten her first bartender job, she cupped her breasts and said simply, "These." (On first glance, however, Caroline's breasts didn't seem exceptional, and I said as much. I was partial to Caroline, though, because she had been so nice to me when I began working here.
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In my opinion, that would have been Caroline. I was not the prettiest bartender at the Coyote Ugly Saloon.